Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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