Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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