watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
