in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
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I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
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Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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