Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize