My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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