My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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