i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
