Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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