I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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