that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
