The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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