y did u give ur computer a hand job?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
