I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
did i just pee glitter
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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