shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
