the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
