is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Screwed.edu
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
