Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
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I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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