i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
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