Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Panties = found
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
