just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
