Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
