If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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