I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
