i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
