You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
