Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(805): View more from California

My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.

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(805): My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping. http://tfl.nu/dvm6

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(410): View more from Maryland

Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.

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(410): Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning. http://tfl.nu/oj20

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(718): View more from New York

did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?

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(718): did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are? http://tfl.nu/17ys

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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people

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(267): Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people http://tfl.nu/f8ee

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(513): View more from Ohio

sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.

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(513): sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things. http://tfl.nu/e6ox

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(815): View more from Illinois

he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...

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(815): he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is... http://tfl.nu/ocys

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(312): View more from Illinois

This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.

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(312): This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck. http://tfl.nu/7nbz

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(773): View more from Illinois

we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.

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(773): we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby. http://tfl.nu/gkxo

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(347): View more from New York

They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me

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(347): They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me http://tfl.nu/nbj5

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(479): View more from Arkansas

Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?

(1-479): View more from Arkansas

If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area

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(479): Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius? (1-479): If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area http://tfl.nu/19ec

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(931): View more from Tennessee

My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.

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(931): My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake. http://tfl.nu/j2xw

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.

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(405): Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice. http://tfl.nu/9rvd

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.

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(+44): Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight. http://tfl.nu/uuv5

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(434): View more from Virginia

He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.

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(434): He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me. http://tfl.nu/bcau

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(419): View more from Ohio

I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.

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(419): I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina. http://tfl.nu/vhcx

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