And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm experimenting with sincerity
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
