I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
