I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
