is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
