I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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