never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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