My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
