do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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