im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
