Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
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The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
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Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
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