We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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