I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
