its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
