He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
