doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
