So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Randomize
