His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
