Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
