Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
