You work out of a Hotel?
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
