well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
