if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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