Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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