girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
