I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
