i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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