Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
