So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
