Whats the glycemic index on semen?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
