HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
