so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
