i just wanna soil my oats bro
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
