Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
