Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
