So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
We need to get me chipped asap
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
