I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize