Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
