Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
