She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
