My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize