we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
