I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
