what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
