I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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